You actually can do it, it's just hidden and sort of a pain in the ass. You can insert a SQL-linked datatable that can pull parameters from your spreadsheet, if the cell changes the query updates.

> Considering the extremely poor state of private defined benefit pension funds

The poorly funded ones make the news, but there are many healthy ones that don't. It isn't agency risk that causes problems, it's a combination of increased longevity and low interest rates.

A big problem with 401Ks is predatory investment advice. "Advisors" channel money into high-fee funds and commissionable investments and often "churn" money to generate additional commissions. The Obama administration cracked down by instituting a "Fiduciary" standard for retirement funds, but Trump has delayed implementation of the rule twice.

Almost every state and local government agency is underfunded, many in the billions of dollars. The reasoning is that they can always just raise future taxes, which allows for huge agency risk of politicians buying union votes. The politician gets elected, the current union members get paid, and the future taxpayers and union members who aren't voting get shafted.

401ks aren't perfect, but it's better than the above system. There's a reason no one sells annuities even close to what the government offers in it's pension benefits. It's ridiculously costly without using funny numbers.

> Or investing in borderline scam products like variable annuities.

It's interesting that you say this, because many VAs have embedded put options that were very valuable post-crisis. The "scam" happens when someone invests 100% of their modest life-savings in a VA.

Ben Bernanke invests the majority of his retirement savings in annuities, it's really just like buying into a pension.