I can't disagree more with this. Absolutely do not bring a living person into this world in a coin flip over whether or not it might mean something to your own fulfilment.
I am a parent, and absolutely love it and find it extremely rewarding, but it's a ton of work and sacrifice. If both me and my wife were not going into it deliberately with the expectation of what it would entail, it would probably end up bad for everyone involved, especially the involuntary participants (our kids).
No one can tell you what it's like to be a parent, but do not become one without being prepared to put them first for a couple of decades.
If you are, then kids are amazing, and have brought us more joy than anything previously. Just be prepared for the cost (not just literally). I have seen plenty of regretful parents, even if never explicitly expressed.
Thank you for writing this. There’s an insidious motivation that you have kids for what they can give you (“solve my meaning problem!”) vs what you can offer them. If you gamble on kids giving you meaning and they don’t, now what?
If you go out searching for meaning, you're not going to find it. "Is this meaning?" you might ask, for every choice or circumstance you face. The answer will always be "no". Because you can analyze anything to death. Poke holes in any situation and find some reason it's not full of "meaning".
Finish a big project at work before the deadline? "Is this meaning?" Obviously no. The big project won't impact the mega-conglomerate's bottom line. And if it did, what's it mean to increase the revenue of your employer by 0.001% YoY? For you, personally, that is. Etc.
Just got married? "Is this meaning?" Again, no. Anyone can get married. Most people do get married. It's incredibly common. You're not special for getting married, yet people spend lavishly on weddings to force some amount of "meaning" on the occasion. The day before your wedding isn't different than the day after. I've been to a dozen weddings and can really only recall the details of maybe two of those.
I've not seen a more miserable group of people than /r/fatFIRE on reddit. They have insane wealth, go to retire, and find their life hollow. The mistake is thinking there is some reward is at the end of the journey. I have $30 million dollars, I've retired, now what? You either fill that hole with giant amounts of crap (new Lambo, fancy house, huge TV) or "experiences" (which really translates into traveling to places where poor people are your temporary servants because of the gross power imbalance wealth has granted you). Or, more work. The real secret to retirement is... maybe don't?
Hayao Miyazaki is still working, and certainly doesn't need to. He also doesn't believe that personal happiness should be a goal (it's a very Western point-of-view), and considers filmmaking to be suffering[1]. And I suppose that's the real reward for having kids. The meaning is the work and the pain. You'll change a child's diaper thousands of times. But you'll also get to see them smile and laugh.
Really - you haven’t seen a more miserable group on REDDIT than fatfire? Come on.
It seems you’re saying there’s no meaning to life if I understand that text right.
I don’t know about you - but am a regular reader on fatfire fwiw and I do find my life immensely meaningful. I like finding goals, working towards them and possibly achieving them even (sometimes) or refocusing again. I look at the human experience as the meaning. Money definitely allows for varied experiences while I can pawn away the grunt work of living. Take it for what you will!
I think I get your point, and to thread the needle:
If you look for external sources of meaning (big house, cars) are really just looking for validation. You want others to think of you a certain way.
But if you genuinely enjoy cars, and driving/working on them puts you in a flow state, that’s great.
Most people suffer a lack of engagement at work and should retire to work on what they actually enjoy. If Miyazaki enjoys his art (he enjoys it in the average, looking back, glad he did it after all, like exercise) then of course he should continue. A rich, bored retiree is miserable because they realized they were chasing external validation, which is truly hollow, and can now begin the process of doing what is internally meaningful to them.
Asking whether something is meaningful, in your heart of hearts, lets you sidestep decades of chasing the wrong goal.
I suspect our biologically-ingrained make it so kids do give our lives "meaning"... For a while. My offspring will turn 19 in a couple of weeks, and while I still love the fuck out of him -- and probably always will -- he's not the only thing that will give meaning to the rest of my life. (Dunno what is.)
An existential crisis of meaning is a terrible reason to have kids.
Have kids because you wish to raise another human from infant to fully formed adult, and are willing to make the huge sacrifices that requires. Don't have them to try and plug some sort of hole in your life.
