Working on resolving my issues. I know quitting is not a solution, but it will reduce stress. The work really is not my cup of tea. It turned into a copy and paste validation effort instead of development. Will do my best not to burn ze bridges
Thanks for the commentI just sent an email requesting a meeting today. It will bother me, but I feel like I should talk with him in person about it. Also depending on how things go I can't hold onto my badge, so would need to go in anyway.
I was planning to definitely tell my supervisor through the contracting company in person (although I have only really seen him once since being hired).
My paid time off and sick leave are combined, and I was pretty sick a few weeks ago so pretty much at 0 right now (it accrues sloooowly).
You are right with the depression/anxiety etc. It has always been a problem but manageable, and I don't really like admitting it. It has recently become much less manageable. Trying to be active towards taking care of it
> I was planning to definitely tell my supervisor through the contracting company in person (although I have only really seen him once since being hired).
I wouldn't go out of your way to do that. Once you have the job, these contracting agencies serve no other purpose than to skim off your paycheck every week in exchange for having gotten you in at the gov't agency. A phone call is more than sufficient for them - they won't really care about the social niceties as you're just an income stream for them at this point.
Then just say "I have a potentially life threatening illness, I need to take care of it". It's honest, no one will push you for details (a withering look will take care of anyone who does).
Take care of yourself. Your life and health is all you have. The business will survive, especially if you aren't contributing much right now. Don't worry about prioritizing your health over a business. It's absolutely the right thing to do.
The computer I am using is through the government agency where I work on site. Do I just leave my equipment, put my code somewhere, and go tell my supervisor for the contracting company with a written letter?
At some point in you're life you're likely to get fired or laid off for no reason, companies tend to demand loyalty but offer little to nothing in return. So remember that they aren't your friends, don't worry about upsetting them. Just be clear, professional and tell them exactly what is about to happen.
There is nothing sensitive about my work, so don't have that to worry about. Sciency stuff and completely open to the world. At this point I feel that even if I stayed it would not benefit either party.
I don't hate my boss which makes it harder. I am the only developer for this piece of the project and replacing me will take time, the schedule will slip and put her in a tough spot.
Do you know if I should tell my boss I see everyday that works for the government agency, or the one off-site for the contracting company I am hired through?
Then I'd personally say everyone's advice is pretty spot on, this isn't going to hurt you just do it and be up front. And tell them both, order in my opinion would be the company you are hired through first and then the agency. Just depends on your relationship with both parties, as I don't think you can go too wrong long as you tell them both timely.
Just remember, if a company doesn't want you there they will walk you out whenever they want, so it is a business transaction as someone else pointed out, but one that is somewhat lopsided generally in favor of the employer. So you are right to be cautious, but don't stress yourself to death, do it and be happy.
The schedule the project is currently on, me taking any time would be unacceptable (it will slip). Issue with being the only developer on this effort.
Could I phrase it along the lines of I need a week or I need to quit? I don't even know if there is "medical leave".
My life kinda exploded and I let it affect the quality of my work which I am not proud of, but it has been and it has been getting worse. I have finally told a couple friends I am struggling and they want to help (thank you).
> Issue with being the only developer on this effort.
If that's the case, then you can't hold yourself accountable for their poor planning. If they didn't build any wiggle room into the deadline, and doesn't have any procedure in place to handle the unexpected, then they have nobody to blame but themselves when the project falls through. They're going to try to pin this on you, but it's not your fault they didn't do any of these things.
But, chances are, they do have a plan B, they're just not telling you about it. Managers do this shit all the time, place unreasonable expectations on you knowing you'll "rise to the challenge". Don't feel any moral compunction to play their game.
Quitting because you are stressed and the pressure is high is one option. As you say above, taking a week off might be another option. Taking two might be better, if you can forget or put into perspective the problem at hand.
Prioritise your basics. Eat properly. Go to bed early. Do some exercise. See your friends. Watch a movie. Make it your goal to have done all this for a week. Without sufficient reserves of energy & social interaction your job of getting through this is much harder.
If you feel shame about things not going well, you shouldn't. Everyone you know has made up their mind about "who you are" and the outcome of your decision here will not influence that one way or the other.
I'm solely responsible for all sorts of stuff and have received a few ear bashings over time. I hang on to a few facts:
1) I am variable. I cannot predict how much work I will get done in a day. I am not a machine.
2) Estimating how long a non-trivial software project will take is hard, and I should expect nearly all estimates to be wrong, and there will be consequences to that.
3) People can be unreasonable. I will on occasion have to deal with them.
4) Not everything is about me. If someone is angry on the phone, they may well have all sorts of shit going on in their lives. Don't judge. Don't take it personally.
In short, shit happens, and the more I do, the more shit I have to deal with, and after a while, that's fine. You try to avoid it, but you can't. I do the best I can, sometimes that's great, and sometimes it's not so good.
Don't quit, just talk to your boss at the contracting company and tell him/her that you would like a week off, unpaid, because of personal issues. If they are worth anything as an employer, they will give it to you gladly.
If you had a heart attack and spent a week in the hospital, the project would just need to deal with it.
Mental health issues are often not treated the same way... but they should be. If you are mentally incapable of working on the project, then they must just deal with it.
