I've heard this feedback from time-to-time - generally a very nice guy, but I strive to be rational, ego-less and results-oriented. "Be Kind", I couldn't agree more, but here are 3 nuances I've had trouble reconciling when applying this mindset, maybe you've had experience that could be helpful?
1. Stress & Results. Sometimes being kind can get in the way, and directly lead to a loss of results or respect from others. You wouldn't be kind to someone trying to convince you not to run out of a burning building. As the author says "when I'm under stress.."
"Because a lot of his value, when you’re making giant decisions for huge amounts of money, is saying, ‘Why aren’t you f-ing considering this and this and this?’" - Ben Horowitz on his A16Z partner from "Tomorrow’s Advance Man" in The New Yorker.
There are times when we weight effectiveness above feelings when we think about impacting others, so where's the right line? What if one person's stress threshold is higher than another's? What if one employee is less stressed because they just don't care about your company that much?
2. Passive Aggressiveness. "but more inhibited members of the team avoid any discussions with him". In an ideal growth culture, every member is giving open feedback in context, in real-time. For someone seeking the "truth", nothing is more unkind that passive aggressive behavior.
imo, the CTO f-ed up here.. instead of pointing the finger at Boz, should have focused on creating an environment where the process for resolution is true candor and real-time feedback for team improvement. That letter arose from a process of gossip, rolling into back-room conversations, rolling into a secret, anonymous survey, which led to a HR meeting w/ Boz. A better process is to set expectations for interactions and behavior amongst the whole team. It is cool that the CTO found a way to give some direct feedback and spur Boz's own thinking, just not best process outcome for team.
Everyone needs to know how to respect one another's feelings.. both the guy who is callous, and the guy who is sensitive. A manager responding to the passive aggressiveness of a sensitive team member is naturally going to sympathize more, but the squeaky wheel doesn't point to the root cause and is, in fact, rewarding unkindness.
3. "Kids Crying for No Reason" - google it. Is it kind to take pictures and laugh at kids crying? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your co-workers emotions were perhaps unwarranted, unnecessary, or misapplied? Does your employer screen employees for the appropriateness of their emotional reactions in the kinds of situations you will interact with them?
How can you take responsibility for how your actions affect others if you have a co-worker who is upset about the workplace equivalent of "I flushed my poop before I could look at it"?
Passive aggressive behaviour is the direct outcome of someone being on the receiving end of dominating or controlling behaviour. If you don't want people to avoid saying what they think to you then you cannot crush them under the weight of your overbearing manner.
1. Stress & Results. Sometimes being kind can get in the way, and directly lead to a loss of results or respect from others. You wouldn't be kind to someone trying to convince you not to run out of a burning building. As the author says "when I'm under stress.."
"Because a lot of his value, when you’re making giant decisions for huge amounts of money, is saying, ‘Why aren’t you f-ing considering this and this and this?’" - Ben Horowitz on his A16Z partner from "Tomorrow’s Advance Man" in The New Yorker.
There are times when we weight effectiveness above feelings when we think about impacting others, so where's the right line? What if one person's stress threshold is higher than another's? What if one employee is less stressed because they just don't care about your company that much?
2. Passive Aggressiveness. "but more inhibited members of the team avoid any discussions with him". In an ideal growth culture, every member is giving open feedback in context, in real-time. For someone seeking the "truth", nothing is more unkind that passive aggressive behavior.
imo, the CTO f-ed up here.. instead of pointing the finger at Boz, should have focused on creating an environment where the process for resolution is true candor and real-time feedback for team improvement. That letter arose from a process of gossip, rolling into back-room conversations, rolling into a secret, anonymous survey, which led to a HR meeting w/ Boz. A better process is to set expectations for interactions and behavior amongst the whole team. It is cool that the CTO found a way to give some direct feedback and spur Boz's own thinking, just not best process outcome for team.
Everyone needs to know how to respect one another's feelings.. both the guy who is callous, and the guy who is sensitive. A manager responding to the passive aggressiveness of a sensitive team member is naturally going to sympathize more, but the squeaky wheel doesn't point to the root cause and is, in fact, rewarding unkindness.
3. "Kids Crying for No Reason" - google it. Is it kind to take pictures and laugh at kids crying? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your co-workers emotions were perhaps unwarranted, unnecessary, or misapplied? Does your employer screen employees for the appropriateness of their emotional reactions in the kinds of situations you will interact with them?
How can you take responsibility for how your actions affect others if you have a co-worker who is upset about the workplace equivalent of "I flushed my poop before I could look at it"?