A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him.
The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out."
"No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?"
"Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail.
"Listen, pal..." says the bartender. "Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "What's the opposite of soft?"
"Ruff!" exclaims the dog.
"Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the bartender.
"One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?"
"Ruth!" barked the dog.
"Okay, that's it!" says the bartender, and physically throws both man and dog out the door and onto the street.
Turning to the man, the dogs shrugs and says, "Maybe I should have said Joe Dimaggio?"
I saw the following in "The Knot Book" by Colin Adams (a very readable
introduction to Knot Theory). The joke is attributed to Joel Haas.
A woman walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow. The bartender
says, "Hey, no animals are allowed in here."
The woman replies, "These are very special animals."
"How so?"
"They're knot theorists."
The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, "I've met a number of
knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that
was a knot theorist."
"Well, I'll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like."
So the bartender asks the dog, "Name a knot invariant."
"Arf, arf" barks the dog.
The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, "Name a topological
invariant."
The cow says, "Mu, mu."
At this point the bartender turns to the woman, says, "Just what are
you trying to pull" and throws them out of the bar.
Outside, the dog turns to the woman and asks, "Do you think I should
have said the Jones polynomial?"
