I agree completely. I'm basically cribbing from my reply to a different comment, but the spoiled kids aren't the ones whose parents never punished them; the spoiled kids are the ones whose parents made it look like the real boundaries didn't exist. (Replacing the toys they carelessly or intentionally broke, giving in to tantrums, etc.)
Sometimes these people also explain why their children shouldn't do something, and people see the "discipline through understanding" crowd as part of this, but saying "don't do this" while sending the message that nothing changes is completely different from saying "When you do that to people they don't want to do nice things for you anymore. We're not going to the Zoo today anymore."
Sometimes these people also explain why their children shouldn't do something, and people see the "discipline through understanding" crowd as part of this, but saying "don't do this" while sending the message that nothing changes is completely different from saying "When you do that to people they don't want to do nice things for you anymore. We're not going to the Zoo today anymore."