I recently had a friend from college commit suicide. Please, Please, Please find some help, I'm sure you are drastically underestimating how many people would miss you dearly.
There are plenty of organizations that will talk to you for free. Most large corporations have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that can provide you with three therapy sessions for free and virtually every healthcare plan under the sun covers mental health, it'll cost you a $15 co-pay. Go as often as you need.
I hope that you you find someone that can help you work through these issues.
There are plenty of organizations that will talk to you for free. Most large corporations have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that can provide you with three therapy sessions for free and virtually every healthcare plan under the sun covers mental health, it'll cost you a $15 co-pay. Go as often as you need.
I hope that you you find someone that can help you work through these issues.