I have no wisdom to share, and certainly no opinion on higher power that I would consider profound. What you describe is an unbelievably trying experience.
If you are hoping to make some sense of it all, I found Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl really altered how I see suffering and my place in the world. It's a very concrete book, and outlines a way to live with meaning without needing God (though totally compatible with faith).
Stay strong friend, I believe in a tragic optimism[0] like that outlined in Frankl's 1984 postscript.
If you are hoping to make some sense of it all, I found Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl really altered how I see suffering and my place in the world. It's a very concrete book, and outlines a way to live with meaning without needing God (though totally compatible with faith).
Stay strong friend, I believe in a tragic optimism[0] like that outlined in Frankl's 1984 postscript.
[0]: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/6807951-i-speak-of-a-tragic...
edit: corrected the quote and added a link