1. We are all struggling with mental health. Such is life. That's no shame.
2. Counselors recommend stability, thus jobs. No shock there.
3. Counselors don't recommend quitting your job with no plan. What's the real story there? I can't tell. You proceed boldly, though . . .
4. You don't have endless possibilities. In fact you just ended one of them yourself, quite publicly!
5. If pragmatic decisions are a burden, consider seeking help. Other people or institutions can make pragmatic decisions for you while preserving your future options.
6. You don't owe anyone an explanation of why you were taken in. It's normal. We all are, sometimes, I think.
7. Real software engineers understand that they don't solve perfect math problems that will be taught in universities in perpetuity. We make things that will be (in some way) destroyed. And we are proud to build destroyable things. Sorry nobody told you abuot that. Seriously. I wish we were clearer!
8. Again, engineers get reassigned. Same as above. Sorry nobody explained that. It is hard for some people to deal. Especially the first time it happens. Hope they have good mentors/managers!
9. It's not any judgement on you. It's seriously not about you. It's about the project(s). It's impersonal and with no kind of malice directed at you.
10. You grew corporate domain knowledge. Companies claim they care abuot that. They don't. They show they care with money. And they pay money for core skills. (Note also, these skills do not degrade over time and you can gain them over a long career.)
11. Talking about "irrational" things. Stop. That's tainted with bad faith. Even if it matters, stop and take a breath.
12. What's next? You don't know but you have some bridges to burn. That should help give you direction.
I only ask that if you stick with software, this is not a meditative profession so much as a highly collaborative one. We work together (and try to understand one another and talk with one another just like this) because we love being makers with other makers. There is nothing so delightful as creating a new thing with someone new, stranger!
>5. If pragmatic decisions are a burden, consider seeking help. Other people or institutions can make pragmatic decisions for you while preserving your future options.
> pragmatic: relating to matters of fact or practical affairs often to the exclusion of intellectual or artistic matters : practical as opposed to idealistic
I think the problem here is many people accept this definition of pragmatism and believe they should strive to be pragmatic in most aspects of your life.
This leads people to optimize their life for stability and income, and neglect their emotional and intellectual needs.
Sometimes what you want as an individual is out of alignment with pragmatism, and that's OK! You are allowed to be illogical, follow a whim, burn bridges, and fail.
I loved doing coding on my own. Then I started to work for a few companies.
Out of all of them there was only one where I felt good.
It was a public research facility, they were doing scientific work. But they hadn't the money to hire me. (I was an intern there).
The rest were just BS jobs.
I quit, started my own projects and I am making enough money on them to live.
I cut off all the costs related to work. (Expensive housing to live near the workplace, transportation, food, and health as I am not stressed anymore and much happier).
1. We are all struggling with mental health. Such is life. That's no shame.
2. Counselors recommend stability, thus jobs. No shock there.
3. Counselors don't recommend quitting your job with no plan. What's the real story there? I can't tell. You proceed boldly, though . . .
4. You don't have endless possibilities. In fact you just ended one of them yourself, quite publicly!
5. If pragmatic decisions are a burden, consider seeking help. Other people or institutions can make pragmatic decisions for you while preserving your future options.
6. You don't owe anyone an explanation of why you were taken in. It's normal. We all are, sometimes, I think.
7. Real software engineers understand that they don't solve perfect math problems that will be taught in universities in perpetuity. We make things that will be (in some way) destroyed. And we are proud to build destroyable things. Sorry nobody told you abuot that. Seriously. I wish we were clearer!
8. Again, engineers get reassigned. Same as above. Sorry nobody explained that. It is hard for some people to deal. Especially the first time it happens. Hope they have good mentors/managers!
9. It's not any judgement on you. It's seriously not about you. It's about the project(s). It's impersonal and with no kind of malice directed at you.
10. You grew corporate domain knowledge. Companies claim they care abuot that. They don't. They show they care with money. And they pay money for core skills. (Note also, these skills do not degrade over time and you can gain them over a long career.)
11. Talking about "irrational" things. Stop. That's tainted with bad faith. Even if it matters, stop and take a breath.
12. What's next? You don't know but you have some bridges to burn. That should help give you direction.
I only ask that if you stick with software, this is not a meditative profession so much as a highly collaborative one. We work together (and try to understand one another and talk with one another just like this) because we love being makers with other makers. There is nothing so delightful as creating a new thing with someone new, stranger!