Despite being a "nerd", I think the more traditional sort of 'frat' is actually a lot more inviting. Without the video-game nonsense I think it is actually more accepting of lifestyles that don't involve primarily a couch. The thought of spending my own freetime playing video-games is revolting to me, I associate it with depression and loneliness (yes, online or otherwise multiplayer games too). It really seems like one of those all-or-nothing activities where you either spend hours a week doing it, living it, or you are forever the outsider.
Sure you can game in moderation, but if you do so you won't be a gamer. I think I average maybe a handful of hours a month playing games, and that is as much as I will ever see myself caring to spend on them. There is no way for me to relate to people who call themselves gamers.
The problem for me is the time investment required to be any good at gaming. When people say they want to play Super Smash Bros. or Halo or something, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, no one wants to show me what to do, and so I lose interest very quickly. It's not like watching a movie, where you can spend two hours on it and come out with a decent understanding of the movie, even if you aren't a movie buff.
I think I know exactly what you mean. Super Smash Bros. is actually the exact game that made me realize I was no longer going to pretend to be a gamer, for exactly the reasons you explain.
It's not an all-or-nothing choice, though. I've had an Xbox 360 for years, and when my kids were born/adopted, I barely touched it. I hate playing against the knobs on Xbox Live, so I just stick with the single player stuff, or find friends to explore maps and blow stuff up. Very immature, I know. But it's fun. Look at my post up above...My Xbox is an early generation and I still hardly play it because I have better things to do most of the time.
I'm not sure what preconceptions you have about "gamers" are, but from what I know, most gamers are in their 30's and have lives outside of video games.
I wouldn't call myself a "gamer", as per your definition, but I've loved playing video games since the early 80's, which might not register with your experience. I'm an ordinary guy with a beautiful wife and kids. Not sure what your beef is.
I am talking about the "is addicted to playing online games for 30+ hours a week in addition to working 60+ hours a week." type.
I'll play video-games on occasion but to be able to pass myself off in that sort of gamer culture is I think impossible unless you are willing to glue yourself to a television for hours and hours a week.
Other types of "frats" do not need that level of dedication I think.
