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Is there some magic language out there that cleans all external input for you?

If by "magic" you mean simply disallowing non-structured queries (which is pretty darn easy with a Structured Query Language):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Language_Integrated_Query

http://www.impredicative.com/ur/

http://pgocaml.forge.ocamlcore.org/

https://github.com/mfp/ocaml-sqlexpr

and that's just off the top of my head.



Also, for instance, the (quite nice) Sequel library in ruby makes this painless

DB["insert into foo (bar, baz, qux) VALUES (?, ?, ?)", bar, baz, qux].insert

And the library handles all the escaping, and even type conversion for you (e.g. Date objects to SQL compatible date strings)




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