You're not alone. Scala has the features you're looking for, but it's also a mashup of Haskell and Lisp and C++ and a few other mismatched languages. As I said in another comment, Scala is for people who find Haskell too simple, and want to add mutability, inheritance and macros on top of it.

I think that what you're really looking for is Kotlin: http://kotlin.jetbrains.org/