Suggested alternative for Java, because making fun of NullPointerExceptions is too easy: "Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon that tries hard to avoid gun accidents: each round has to be individually authorized by ticking off a detailed questionnaire. By the time you get to actually shoot, someone may have already beaten you to death with a stick."

Scala would certainly have to build on that: "Scala is a variant of the 240G Java that tries to work around the problem by encoding pre-answered questionnaires directly into various types of ammunition. Unfortunately, the gun can detect lies and refuses operation when some of those answers do not match the actual situation."