I used to think I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write novels and wonderful fictional worlds. The idea of crafting stories that people would eventually enjoy was very exciting to me. I tried and tried for years, but I could never write more than a few pages a week. I finished about 5 very short stories and started countless other shorts and novels. Eventually I realized that I didn't actually like writing. The actual act of putting words on the screen was never fun after the first page and a half.

So, I admitted to myself that I didn't like writing and no longer thought of myself as a writer. I know it's cliche, but it was like a very heavy weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I didn't have to feel guilty anymore for not wanting to do the thing I thought I was meant to do. I was able to focus on the things that I actually enjoy the process of.

I was a little sad at first, and sometimes that feeling of "I want to write an amazing space opera!" pops back into my mind for a second. But mostly, it feels good to not feel guilty anymore.

If you don't like the process of making the thing you want to eventually make, just quit.

It might be a weird phase, but I'd say give quitting a try and see if you come back to programming. Once you quit programming, you might be able to better recognize the things you actually love doing, not just the things you want to have done.

This was wise, thank you. People who revise their ambitions are interesting... What proximate cause led to your admission to yourself that you didn't like fiction-writing?

Did you know that Winston Churchill wanted to be an adventure author? 'Savrola: A Tale of the Revolution in Laurania is the only fictional work of Sir Winston Churchill... Savrola is in many respects a conventional example of the "Ruritanian" genre, being published just four years after the classic The Prisoner of Zenda, by Anthony Hope...' Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savrola

That's cool. I didn't know that. That'll be good to remember if I'm ever on Jeopardy. :)

What led to that admission was all the built up stress of trying again and again to have fun while writing. Eventually I didn't even start new stories anymore, because I knew that even if I still had fun ideas for the story, I hated writing them down. I realized there was no point in trying to push through. I even forced myself to write a 12,000 word (quite a feat for me) short once and it was just awful (the story and the experience of writing it).

Things like NaNoWriMo were never fun for me, whereas game jams or hackathons or Startup Weekend are a blast. That's the main thing.

This is good to hear. I quit focusing on art (drawing, painting) recently for the same reason. No matter what I'd do I would always end up agonizing over my projects. I hated the process and I almost always hated the result. So I gave up, and now I don't know what I want to do but I don't really care, because at least I don't have to spend all my time thinking about what a terrible artist I am. Oh, and I did this for like five years.

Thanks for the reply!

> The idea of crafting stories that people would eventually enjoy was very exciting to me.

> game jams or hackathons

It sounds like you're still finding ways of building stuff to bring joy to strangers, although not in the way you thought you would be. You use code instead of prose. (: