I see that people have already told you that it's fine, you're 18, everybody is a dabbler at 18, and those who aren't will have a midlife crisis where they wake up one day and wish they were you.
This is all true, as far as it goes, but I needn't say it again. Let's try some coaching instead. Vince Lombardi mode, engage!
Stop trying to look smart. Being smart is wonderful as a source of personal pleasure, and is also really useful, but looking smart is an empty experience. Too easily faked. Any idiot can look smart. Many idiots specialize in it. Bernie Madoff looked smart.
A sure sign that you're trying too hard to look smart is that you are "applying for finance internships" and "modeling the stock market". These are understandable mistakes -- the media works hard to convince you that these are respectable goals, much as they work hard to convince you that blackjack and poker are sexy games that you should play all the time -- but to a scientist this stuff is the badge of the lightweight. It has the intellectual content of a whiffle ball, and the only reason to do it is to collect money, generally from the gullible or the corrupt. (See "Bernie Madoff", above.) Real businesspeople don't "apply for finance internships"; they sell things or make things. And real investors (as opposed to gamblers and shills) don't waste time modeling the market, because they've all read Malkiel.
You are in college. Do you... study anything? Your resume is seriously scary. Where do you find all this time? Your academic work must be way too easy. You are in college right now. You are surrounded by the infrastructure for learning stuff. There will never be a better time for that. Do not waste this time collecting C.V. entries like so many stamps; that is for later. I call upon the spirit of the geek's Vince Lombardi: Yoda.
All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on Where. He. Was. Hmm? What. He. Was doing.
You claim to be interested in physics; do you understand Maxwell's equations, stat mech, quantum decoherence, general relativity? You claim an interest in math; have you run out of math courses? Chemistry: Do you understand the band structure of solids? Biology: Do you know what siRNA is, can you do graduate-level molecular biology lab work? Computers: Have you finished SICP, learned operating systems and algorithms? Have you even considered linguistics, or geology, or anthropology? Study any foreign languages? How's your music theory?
Dabble, but dabble smart. Dabble like a scholar: Study things. Study the hardest things you can find. Study like you mean it.
Look smart to who? I studiously avoid mentioning any of this to anyone at my school for fear of seeming arrogant.
"It has the intellectual content of a whiffle ball, and the only reason to do it is to collect money, generally from the gullible or the corrupt."
Yup. I did these things entirely for the purpose of making money and not for the intellectual challenges, because money is useful and I'm currently broke.
"And real investors (as opposed to gamblers and shills) don't waste time modeling the market, because they've all read Malkiel."
Google Renaissance Technologies.
"Where do you find all this time?"
College is not very demanding. My usual load is two technical courses and two nontechnical courses, which take up 10 * 2 + 6 * 2 = 32 hours a week.
"You claim to be interested in physics; do you understand Maxwell's equations, stat mech, quantum decoherence, general relativity?"
Yes, yes, yes, somewhat (working on it).
"You claim an interest in math; have you run out of math courses?"
I will next year at my current pace.
"Chemistry: Do you understand the band structure of solids?"
Yup.
"Do you know what siRNA is"
Nope, thanks for the link.
"can you do graduate-level molecular biology lab work?"
I probably could given a month or so of training, but I seriously doubt any professor would let me because of my age and my relative lack of bio courses.
"Computers: Have you finished SICP, learned operating systems and algorithms?"
I haven't written my own OS or programming language if that's what you mean, but I find solving problems that have already been solved a zillion times better by thousands of other people working together over decades to be distasteful; what's the point?
"Have you even considered linguistics, or geology, or anthropology?"
Yes. I know some geology and anthropology but find linguistics boring.
"Study any foreign languages?"
Yes, I find them quite boring, it's basically just a great deal of memorization by rote.
"How's your music theory?"
Music cannot be explicitly taught in the same way that any of these other things can. I'm not sure how it can be taught, actually. I could probably become good at it given several thousand hours of work but don't see the point in investing that much time.
Computers: Have you finished SICP, learned operating systems and algorithms?"
I haven't written my own OS or programming language if that's what you mean, but I find solving problems that have already been solved a zillion times better by thousands of other people working together over decades to be distasteful; what's the point?
---
Reinventing the wheel won't get you a better car, but you'll understand the hell out of the wheel.
It is also theoretically possible that tinkering with wheels is pleasant. Though perhaps it's not for everyone.
It is even possible -- bear with me here -- that while rebuilding the wheel in your own way you will discover something new and interesting. Even in an ancient and venerable field like computer science, which has been picked over by dozens, perhaps even a hundred world-class minds for as long as six decades. [1]
---
[1] One of the many charms of growing older is that you come to understand things, like why older people were always rolling their eyes at you when you were seventeen. I remember back when I was young, thinking about the futuristic year 2000. "My god," I would think, "I will probably live to see the year 2000! Although I'll be 29 then, so I'll be much older."
This is all true, as far as it goes, but I needn't say it again. Let's try some coaching instead. Vince Lombardi mode, engage!
Stop trying to look smart. Being smart is wonderful as a source of personal pleasure, and is also really useful, but looking smart is an empty experience. Too easily faked. Any idiot can look smart. Many idiots specialize in it. Bernie Madoff looked smart.
A sure sign that you're trying too hard to look smart is that you are "applying for finance internships" and "modeling the stock market". These are understandable mistakes -- the media works hard to convince you that these are respectable goals, much as they work hard to convince you that blackjack and poker are sexy games that you should play all the time -- but to a scientist this stuff is the badge of the lightweight. It has the intellectual content of a whiffle ball, and the only reason to do it is to collect money, generally from the gullible or the corrupt. (See "Bernie Madoff", above.) Real businesspeople don't "apply for finance internships"; they sell things or make things. And real investors (as opposed to gamblers and shills) don't waste time modeling the market, because they've all read Malkiel.
You are in college. Do you... study anything? Your resume is seriously scary. Where do you find all this time? Your academic work must be way too easy. You are in college right now. You are surrounded by the infrastructure for learning stuff. There will never be a better time for that. Do not waste this time collecting C.V. entries like so many stamps; that is for later. I call upon the spirit of the geek's Vince Lombardi: Yoda.
All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on Where. He. Was. Hmm? What. He. Was doing.
You claim to be interested in physics; do you understand Maxwell's equations, stat mech, quantum decoherence, general relativity? You claim an interest in math; have you run out of math courses? Chemistry: Do you understand the band structure of solids? Biology: Do you know what siRNA is, can you do graduate-level molecular biology lab work? Computers: Have you finished SICP, learned operating systems and algorithms? Have you even considered linguistics, or geology, or anthropology? Study any foreign languages? How's your music theory?
Dabble, but dabble smart. Dabble like a scholar: Study things. Study the hardest things you can find. Study like you mean it.