You misunderstood me. I specifically said all genders have to face that behavior and that "default deny" likely has no unique impact on women. So I don't understand why you think I'm arguing for the opposite case. Still, you seem pretty confident that sexism exists somewhere at the same time you can't point to it. Is it possible you're excluding possibilities to create a more comfortable problem?
Sexism is pervasive. It's everywhere and it impacts both sexes (and especially those who don't easily fit into typical sex stereotypes). When it happens at a conscious or institutional level we can step in and correct it. When it happens at a subconscious level we don't (usually) notice.
For example, if I say, "A schoolteacher friend of mine" in conversation what do you think the odds are that people will assume I'm talking about a woman? What about if I said, "my mechanic"?
They're stereotypes and they're pervasive, unavoidable, and can be quite sexist. Whenever you look at someone or even hear their voice--even someone you know very well--you will make assumptions about that person whether you want to or not. There's probably nothing we can do about it.
What we can do something about is institutionalized sexism. I don't think IT has that. Instead what we have is institutionalized enterprise politics and sociopath CEOs[1].
