It's not directly your answer but I highly recommend this for elderly relatives and anyone susceptible to scams: I grabbed the signing certificates for Anydesk, Logmeinrescue and all the common "remote management" apps, and block them in Applocker.

I've taken the phone call that says "I have the police on the phone and they need me to do something but the computer keeps blocking it, what do I do??". That's how you know you just saved them from a horrible mistake.

I previously used TeamViewer but had issues with them false-flagging me as a commercial user and kicking me off constantly.

I've now got a shared google account on my Chromebook and their computer, Chrome Remote Desktop is installed on their PC and I have the PIN, with that I can just go to remotedesktop.google.com (on the shared account) and join their computer whenever they ask for help.

I was originally planning to use the system where they generate a code first, but they're nowhere near the technical level for that to not become a nightmare quickly, so now it's just flat remote desktop.

If helping aging adults is something you are passionate about, we are helping older people age in place with grace and dignity. I'm an engineer here and am happy to answer any questions and/or give a referral if you are interested in applying!

https://www.joinhonor.com/meet/engineering

I’m genuinely interested in advocating for the elderly in tech. Do you have any insights on the challenges Honor faces or has overcome? Especially in regards to respecting the real-world/digital privacy (let alone HIPAA!) while engineering a solution with technology.

Honor faces the same issues as everyone in the home care industry: senior home health care is taxing work and there is very high turnover. It's also a very intimate and emotional industry. Some of our technology challenges are around Care Professional satisfaction and improving back-of-house operations.

I know this is a difficult question to ask, but have you considered taking some of those responsibilities on yourself? It may be more sustainable, long term: computers are always changing, and computers are always taking more responsibilities on themselves (I just bought my parents a robot vacuum that you start and stop through your phone, for instance). You may be much better equipped to respond to those changes than they are, even with your help.

That’s what my father, an octogenarian himself, does for some of his still living siblings: he’s got their authorization to run their bank accounts, tax declarations, etc. The others don’t even have a computer, or don’t know how to operate it sufficiently.

In addition to the screen sharing, numerous good tools are already mentioned, make sure you have a copy of the same OS available to you as you help.

Experimenting with other people having to do some of the steps (eg elevated permissions) is extremely tedious and far slower than you doing it on your own and then just telling them the correct answer which just magically works as far they are concerned. This also tends to be less stressful for everybody involved.

For windows and Android, VMs are the right tool as you can get the exact version right. iDevice VMs are possible but not worth it, a physical device is easiest. Fortunately even fairly old hardware runs the on-the-run OS version.

edit: clarity in second sentence

> ...make sure you have a copy of the same OS available to you as you help.

Hard to overemphasize this aspect. I would even add this to the localization level, as some menus and even keymaps differences could turn a simple task into madness!

Also, have limitless patience and wisdom to postpone some stubborn task for next, hopefully more relaxed time. Better yet set things up in person, if possible ahead of time, to avoid all the unnecessary annoyance.

This all assumes the receiving side indeed wants this type of assistance, as too often people in age may prefer to rely upon their time-provem and familiar ways to deal with tasks.

I’ve been using Chrome Remote Desktop with my parents. Takes a bit to install but once they have it, they just click on the Remote Desktop in Chrome, give you the code, accept the connection and you are in. For iOS devices - a FaceTime call you can now share screen (I think its only iOS 15) and its much easier to tell them where to click to troubleshoot. Both solutions have been working really well for me recently.

Chrome Remote Desktop is what I'd recommend too. If they already have Chrome it should automatically install the rest (with a confirmation) when they try to share the screen.

Our solution was to buy them iPads. From 4-5 visits a year to none.

I’ve never used a chromebook, but I imagine it would work as well.

When the iPad appeared, I thought it'd be a great option for my elderly and non-computer-savvy father; but the whole touch-screen thing turns out not to work well for him. Shaky, rheumatic fingers too often trigger the wrong thing and throw him into some unexpected state; or a second (or third) finger inadvertently touches the screen and completely changes the behavior of the device.

I thought the direct-manipulation interface would work for him, but experience says that in his case a traditional mouse pointer and an explicit "click" action gives less trouble.

YMMV, of course.

We're in the same situation, but went with a pack of simple styluses instead of switching platforms. Working ok so far, arthritis definitely gets in the way of the iPad solution. That being said, we're definitely avoiding a pile of family tech support because of the iPad.

Ah, I can see you are real expert. I look after two elderly people, probably the biggest problem that they have is with applications that change state based on how you touch it. Even something as simple as picking up a call in Android is totally unintuitive (if anything, Android has got worse...tbh, I barely understand the incantations that one has to perform to do things on there now). Another big one is hidden menus, they don't understand that you have to click the burger for this hidden menu or that an arrow on the button means you can click through (Apple is actually better in how they structure menus).

I understand why these products have been designed this way but I don't think the people who make them understand how badly they are designed for some people. I am a web dev and, imo, a lot of this comes from ways to make your app "look cool" on mobile. Add some buttons, make your app a bit longer vertically...it isn't the end of the world.

I will say though, they find tablets far easier than computers. Tablets present a very simple interface of things to do. Computers seem more complicated (ironically, you see this with kids today even young adults in their early 20s...they have no idea how computers actually work, and often don't understand anything beyond...click this, and app opens). Both hate phones, they can use them but they feel uncomfortable using them.

On the OP, you just have to take stuff over. If you are paying bills or whatever, you should just do it yourself. It will save you time.

I switched all the old people in my family to iOS/macOS almost 8 years ago or so, and tech support time went down to zero.

Troubleshooting is usually just turn it off and on or take it to Apple store and get it fixed or get a new one. The new screen sharing feature is nice too because now you can show them where items in the menus are and whatnot.

Almost all of my close family is on Apple as well.

For the others, unless they're really close or really desperate, I tell them that I haven't used Windows in many years (which is pretty much true, other than testing sites and so on to make sure they work in Windows browsers), so I can't really give them good advice.

There's one relative that uses Linux, but he doesn't generally need my help. Heh.

And with iOS >15.1 you can also use screen sharing if necessary.

Team Viewer is the best option I'm aware of. What security issues are you worried about? No remote system will be perfect, but anything put together yourself is (I suspect) much more likely to break than TeamViewer.

Consider having back up options -- if they have an iPhone or tablet, remember they can always point the computer at the screen as a last minute option.

I would suggest keeping it simple and using Windows 10's built in Quick Assist app. They just click it to open and put in the code you give them.

I noticed this option on my parent's computer but I am unsure about what am I supposed to do as the actual "assistant". Would you know if there is a downloadable client, or do I need to be running Windows 10 specifically?

I have Ubuntu and Windows 8.1 at home.

Sorry I missed this reply, Windows 10 only, unfortunately.

Assuming your parents run Windows, the built in remote assistance in Windows works pretty seamlessly. I think it's called Quick Assist in Win10+. It's basically RDP but with an extra server at Microsoft's side to help set up the connection. No need to configure static IPs and all that, just have them open the quick assist app and follow the instructions. https://youtu.be/bR8iVSrClZw

It's the same principle as Teamviewer (code and password, though you need a login to an MS account I think? Most people already have that on Windows anyway, willingly or unwillingly), except using the software and servers that Windows already uses.

I use UltraVNC Single-Click to help my dad. It just sits as a short-cut on his desktop that he can double-click to start. I also used it occasionally with clients back in my freelancing days.

Some of the things I liked about it are:

- Single, small exe for them to download and run.

- All the port-forwarding and such is done on my side, no having to configure their router.

- They have to initiate it. I can't connect to their computer (and spy) even if I wanted to. I like ensuring that level of autonomy as a minimum.

Fortunately, the UltraVNC viewer works under WINE, so I can run that in listening mode on my Linux PC, no problems.

https://uvnc.com/addons/singleclick.html

How do you connect to it from your side, RDP?

Is it peer-to-peer or it goes via some 3rd party server?

Do you setup a tunnel on your end?

> How do you connect to it from your side, RDP?

I don't. I start the UltraVNC viewer in listen mode and the remote computer connects to mine when my dad clicks the desktop short-cut.

That was one of the features I wanted. I can't connect to his computer (and spy) even if I wanted to. I like ensuring that level of autonomy as a minimum.

> Is it peer-to-peer or it goes via some 3rd party server?

It is peer-to-peer.

> Do you setup a tunnel on your end?

No tunnel (in the VPN sense). The VNC software uses encryption itself. I had to setup a port forward on my modem to my PC. I also needed a host name that points to the public IP address of my home internet connection for the software on my Dad's end to use for the destination when it tries to connect to me. (So, dynamic DNS or some such.)

All of that setup is for my own equipment though. My dad has swapped internet providers and/or modems a couple of times and no re-configuration of equipment was needed when this happened.

Not exactly the same problem, but my wife has been unable to visit my elderly mother in law who lives alone in a different country because of covid. My mother in law has problems from time to time with email, skype, etc. We switched to zoom because my mother in law can share the screen and we can move the mouse, type etc. We were lucky in that we had an acquaintance we trusted in the same town that could install it. But the basic thing is doing a video call a few times a week so they keep in practice and have a cordless phone or cell phone they can use to talk them through getting zoom connected in the first place if they have troubles. It's not quite a slick as solutions like team viewer but I think my mother in law would not be comfortable with us remote connecting anyway. Good Luck!

Chrome remote desktop works well.

I spent too many times on the phone hearing complaints like "it just put up a error message that said 'no'" etc that this is much easier. No more asking what the error actually said etc.

Reliable, and I mostly trust (for better or worse) google to get security right.

Team Viewer's been my go-to for years (decades?) and always appreciated their free for personal use.

In they're on Win10, there's "Quick Assist" baked in - which removed the hurdle of getting them to download and install something, before you can see exactly what they're doing.

I gave my mom a Nest Hub en she controls Spotify from Google Assistant to Play music on her Sonos. Every piece of hardware she bought is hooking in on this ecosystem. My mom has dyslexia thus a keyboard input device increases the friction while voice removes this entirely.

A solution for this was created at Columbia University. It’s called Gogoquincy.com and they’ve been helping adults 55+ with all of their digital and tech issues. I got it for my mom and it’s been great.

I ssh into their machines that are available over a wireguard tunnel. Android help is over vnc+scrcpy

To be honest this only covers 95% of the problems you could encounter so think about a pikvm[0] or something similar.

You can help them debug multiple PCs with one setup, you can help even when they lost their internet connection (hardware switch, driver problems - when nothing works use android usb tethering) You can even configure their bios/debug boot problems through this.

[0] https://pikvm.org/

> Android help is over vnc+scrcpy

Just for info, you could directly use the SSH tunnel to redirect the adb communication, without an intermediate VNC: https://github.com/Genymobile/scrcpy#ssh-tunnel

Is the wireguard tunnel set up on their router? I like this idea but my parents have a router provided by their ISP and those routers don't often have the ability to do such things.

My family uses linux so every pc has their own wireguard endpoint. Also in my personal network I got multiple routers and one of them is connected to wireguard as well

I assume it's from their machines to some machine controlled by OP. Probably not a home router.

For my grandfather, I started with a combination of Chrome Remote Desktop's assistance feature and later Windows Quick Assist. Windows Quick Assist was easier because the helper needs to sign in and type in the one-time code, not the helped.

However, in the end, even walking him through launching Quick Assist was too error-prone, so I ended up installing Chrome Remote Desktop with a Google account that I controlled and enabled remote access, allowing me to connect without requiring him to do anything.

Having supported this for over ~15 years. This is where I'm at...

pfSense router sits in a VM. Router is connected via s2s OPVN back to the center of a VPN host (star - many s2s's). OVPN configs use DNS for lookup, with IP as retry - static as it may be you never know! Modems sit as-factory (double-nat) just in case ISP support is needed or I want to swap an ISP out. They don't need forwarded ports for their consumption. Failover (s2s VPN traffic only) is via 4G on a little mini router. 250MB a month for free.

Windows machines (because of used peripherals) have RDP and VNC. I literally type their DNS and provided I'm within a home network or on the roadwarrior client, I can get straight in. All machines are connected to smart plugs and turn on automatically on powerloss restore. Server is some fancy AMT thing that lets me VNC in to mount ISOs, get to BIOS etc, but never used it. This is all very stable and has worked flawlessly for a decade.

They've slowly acquired Android devices over time (phones, tablets, and shields). This has been troublesome for support. Tried Visor at first but it often would fail. scrcpy has been more successful. But the real issue is often the ADB debugging would be disabled randomly. This remains a thorn. And of course, it isn't ideal to have ADB on as they roam from Wifi to wifi!

If you can, consider replacing tbeir computer with something else completely.

If they use a desktop computer, replace it with a decommissioned desktop server or a workstation with ipmi/idrac/iLO: you can do most remote management through it (including power cycle and os install/reinstall).

You can password-protect access to it and you'll have to setup a vpn connection to be able to access it.

It's really the bes you can do, albeit a bit expensive.

I have done it with Linux. I just ssh in. sidedoor is good if they are behind NAT.

That way you can fix things, install programs, handle updates, etc. There are tools to share the screen. But usually it is enough to use X Window to run a program on their computer on your own screen.

It is also handy that you can just scp photos, videos etc to their computer.

One thing i have done to help myself help them:

Dad asked asked them to remote into their PC for the 10th time to troubleshoot XYC problem. My dad owns a small business and is in every sales list for SEO services, as well as sales subscriptions for every antivirus and basic software that you can think of and he doesnt need. He will click on some notification reminding him to register by x freeware and end up signing up for commercial subs he doesnt need. Which then he asks me to cancel.

So knowing this, among the fixed i did this 10th time, is I asked parente to provide credentials for gmail.

I then proceeded to set very aggresive filters to kill all the junk soliting before he would sign up for it. I also keep an open tab actively monitoring inbound email

If you get infront of it, thats 1 less thing you need to fix later.

Thats my advice. If your parents are the type to believe anything they get, then you must manage what they are getying.

ChrisLAS/Linux Unplugged/Jupiter Broadcasting and the AskNoah show do talk about remote IT support. Like them, I prefer open source solutions.

RustDesk (yes, remote IT software written in Rust) is one option I hear a lot about.

https://rustdesk.com/

Might be a bit too much, but depending on their autonomy level, if they grant you Power of Attorney (PoA), you can do manage everything without involving any technical solution.

Technical solution wise, sharing credentials via 1password or bitwarden is probably the most straightforward approach IMHO.

Depends on the desired degree of help and autonomy.

Not exact same situation, but the solution was along the lines of setting things up for the remote desktop.

First I configured the router for remote access. This step was the least secure. The objective was to set up port-forwarding for SSH. Once the tunnel is configured, the remote admin acccess on the router is no longer needed.

Then set up an SSH server the and remote desktop. In my case the remote OS was Ubuntu, so it was relatively straightforward, but did involve some typing/copypasting.

Once the remote desktop was up, the rest is just use it on-demand as needed.

This approach could likely be made more simpler, but the router part may still be needed, and in my experience this was the most difficult and critical task to clear remotely.

Since you are considered about security, I recommend setting up a VPN (some routers support it, or you can run it on a SBC or old machine). It's a bit of a learning curve but it's a clean and secure solution in that the VPN provides the main line of defense - vs. securing individual endpoints if you expose their ports to the public internet.

The VPN will let you RDP or SSH/VNC into their machines for remote manitenance. Since it gives you access to their entire LAN, this has the bonus of you being able to access and configure other devices like security cameras/etc.

If security is less of a priority there are simpler options other commenters have discussed like Chrome RD, Teamviewer, etc.

I see a lot of suggestions for taking control of a pc via remote desktop software, but does anyone know a good app to do the same for an android tablet / phone? (to help my parents with their tablet set up, from my pc)

I've used https://www.copilot.com/ and works well for me. Used to be a Fog Creek Software product.

I've suggested my solution on HN before:

1. Buy 2 iPads. Don't use laptops or any other tablets: it's not worth the hassle.

2. Buy a cheap/light-weight glass side table (the kind that goes next to your sofa to hold drinks/snacks, for example).

3. Pick up and place the glass side table on top of the kitchen table.

4. Put one iPad, camera side down, on the glass table. Put the second iPad on the kitchen table, underneath the glass table.

5. Initiate a FaceTime video call on the upper iPad and help parents use the lower iPad.

This set-up has saved me a hundred hours of frustration.

Cool setup. But with SharePlay in iOS 15.1 FaceTime now supports screensharing with a button tap.

Half the battle is your parent insisting that the giant blue button in the center of the viewport doesn’t exist, isn’t labeled “checkout” in 24-pt font, and can’t be pressed.

Having this kind of setup lets me guide their finger.

Likewise for explaining how to do a hard reset of the device, “I pressed it but nothing happened”, etc

If you're macOS both sides, iCloud allows screen sharing between users (opt-in via System Preferences). I typically trigger this from a Messages chat using the Details modal.

Meshcentral, self-hosted.

Gogoquincy.com has been helping adults 55+ with all of their digital issues. I got it for my mom and it’s been great.

I discovered Telegram video calling on iOS has a convenient screen sharing function (accessible when toggling a switch between front and back cameras). Gone are the days of asking grandpa to try to show me his iPhone screen over Skype (And trying very hard to read blurry and moving text).

VNC Connect by RealVNC is good. So is remote desktop and/or zoom. I'm in the same situation.

Using RealVNC for the desktop and they have iOS devices which they can usually get around pretty well themselves.

Also using a password manager (1Password) with sharing, but they don't use it properly. It does the job though.

I was quite happy for a time helping my mom by using GoToMyPC. Then they got purchased by private equity (I think) and tripled their prices while adding spammy offers every time you logged in.

Now I use Splashtop.

wireguard (or tailscale) + sshd + VNC (macOS screen sharing) server bound only to the virtual interface or firewalled.

I did something similar. I installed ZeroTier, OpenSSH server, and TightVNC server on my parents' computers.

Their computers and mine are connected in the same ZeroTier network. I SSH to their computer and connect to VNC over an SSH tunnel. VNC is only bound to 127.0.0.1 so nobody on the network will be able to access it.

Perhaps I could have skipped the SSH part of it since ZeroTier should have covered the network security, but I also wanted an easy way to run commands too.

It's a couple steps to get connected, but it works well.

Agreed. Get all the way on the network, youll be able to troubeshoot more things. Having teamviewer with a hardcoded password is a good fallback. Have two ways in.

Screen Connect/ConnectWise Control also has a free tier that lets you have a few nodes joined.

Another option is zoom. While screen sharing you can request remote control from the other side.

Your operating system has a secure remote desktop built in. Use it.

ConnectWise ScreenConnect works great for me and my grandparents

there used to be many options. But team viewer seems to be the only reliable choice I found.

I feel that team viewer's pricing is a bit expensive for this use case.

It's free for personal use.

imho quite a good business model - builds up good-will/recognition, and then if anybody is asked what to buy for "remote desktop at work", it'll get a mention.

but their usage detector is buggy.

I only use it to assist my parent and don't really use it much. but they will pop up the message and saying they have detected business usage with my account. And then disconnect after 5 minutes.

iOS and shareplay is easily the best solution to help friends and family.

A phone?

AnyDesk works fine

They will always find a way to break it and make you come over to fix it anyways.